English

What is Impostor Symdrome?

Nowadays more and more people identify with the impostor syndrome, but what is this syndrome really? It refers above all to the discomfort that a person may feel at work level thinking that he does not deserve his job or that he does not have enough qualities to develop it. It is not a disorder described by diagnostic manuals, but it is a syndrome that generates a lot of discomfort.

The person feels that he is an impostor who does not deserve his job position. She is constantly afraid of being discovered and of others thinking it is a fraud. This fear is subjective and does not correspond to reality, but the person experiences it in a very intense way. This feeling comes from the insecurity of the person himself and is related to low self-esteem, which makes him perceive reality in a biased and negative way. It is often associated with self-demand and a tendency to self-punishment.

christopher-campbell-rDEOVtE7vOs-unsplash

The main symptoms of this syndrome are the following:

  • Feeling that their merits and achievements have been by chance or luck and that they do not depend on their own abilities and resources.
  • Insecurity in his own ability to work and feeling of being away from the best version of himself.
  • Feeling of being a fraud and fear of being discovered.
  • Low self-esteem and feeling of inferiority in social relationships and at work.
  • Constant expectation of failure.
  • Difficulty feeling motivated as you think you will never succeed.
  • General feeling of discomfort, anxiety, depression and sometimes even social phobia.

These symptoms are increasingly common in the population and in part have to do with the person’s self-demand and with their feeling that they will never reach the demanding goals that they set for themselves. This feeling of insecurity leads him to think that what he achieves is not due to his effort but to chance. The way to treat this syndrome is by trying to analyze where this self-demand and low self-esteem comes from so that little by little we can change them.

Adultos, English, Pareja, Psicología y Bienestar

What is Love?

On a day as special as Valentine’s Day, it is inevitable to think about the meaning of love. It can have many different meanings for everyone. From psychology, love is spoken of as an encounter with another that completes and offers what is missing in oneself. At first, when meeting this new person, the illusion about them grows and they idealize them as perfect. As the relationship progresses, each person’s reality emerges, which must be accepted to build a a strong couple.

nathan-dumlao-EdULZpOKsUE-unsplash

Perfection and idealization

Everything feels perfect at the beginning of the relationship. For a time this illusion is sustained. The other represents what is perfect, what satisfies desires and needs. Ultimately, the other becomes everything. It seems that life has been incomplete before that magical encounter. It is this idealization that allows the relationship to move forward and exposes one to the fears and uncertainties that arise when starting a new relationship. Little by little over time this idealization falls and reality enters.

Reality and integration

After idealization the veil falls and the other person’s true identity begins to be seen. In this encounter with the reality of the other, and it begins a grieving process for that ideal. How this grief is digested determines whether that ideal can be abandoned in favor of a more real relationship. In this integration it is important to be aware, not only of the relationship contributions but also of what the other person lacks. Seeing the other as imperfect generates frustration because it forces to let go of that feeling of completeness that existed at the beginning. But it is thanks to this abandonment of idealization that one can function in reality and that one can build an integrated and strong couple identity. This is when long-term love arises.

It is a process similar to what happens with parents when we are little. As a child we idealize parents who seem to have all the answers. In adolescence you begin to see parents who also feel fear, insecurity and who do not have all the answers. Falling in love is a similar process.

nathan-mcbride-YLkBly2HVHY-unsplash

Partner Choice

Furthermore, the choice of partner is very significant and is not accidental. Surely, at the beginning, identifications of what oneself is and what one recognizes in the other appear. That loved object must be similar enough to see itself reflected, but at the same time be different enough to feel that it completes oneself. It is important to recognize the part of oneself that is reflected in the other, and accept and recognize that which is different.

In short, love has many definitions. On the one hand, it is recognizing a different other who accompanies and builds a joint identity and culture at home. Love is sharing experiences and emotions with another person. Love is patience and wanting to love each other. Love is a moment of continuous happiness. Love is knowing that the other is the person who makes you feel good and vice versa.

And for you, what is love? How would you define it?

English

Seven questions to Find Out if you have «Common Sense»

Video: 7 Questions to find out how much «Common Sense» you have

¿What is Common Sense?

According to Cambridge Dictionary common Sense is «the basic level of practical knowledge and judgment that we all need to help us live in a reasonable and safe way»

alvaro-reyes-507651-unsplash.jpg

Aristotle was the first person to describe this nebulous subject, believing all animals – including humans – to be able to process external stimuli, understand memories, and perceive imaginary constructs. It has developed quite significantly from this already abstract, ancient point of origin, with notions like morality and scientific certainty embellishing the original concept.

However, Common Sense turns out to be not that common. If you like to find out how much common sense you have, you can try to answer the seven questions in this video.

Video: 7 Questions to find out how much «Common Sense» you have

Essentially common sense would be the ability to connect ot pieces of information in a way that provides a use for or concrete meaning to a person.  If do find the questions in the video a little tricky, perhaps you should take solace in the opinion of the great writer Voltaire, who once noted that “common sense is not so common.

English, Psicología y Bienestar

The grieving process and psychological tools to overcome it

Grief is the process we go through when we lose a loved one or when a major change in our life occurs. To go through grief and mourning is disconcerting and painful, but at the same time it is a necessary process, as it helps us to make sense of the void left by the loss, and mourn his absence. This process generally follows a series of stages, which help us understand what has happened, express what we feel, and emotionally relocate the deceased person. The phases of mourning are the following:

  1. Accept the reality of the loss. When a loved one dies or we experience change and loss, the reality becomes so hard and heartbreaking that it is very difficult to assimilate. We enter a state of «shock» that numbs our emotions. This first stage is a greater challenge, since overcoming it implies facing the fact that this beloved person is no longer there, and that our life has completely changed. Our mind is not yet ready to assimilate what has happened, and we go through a phase of denial. Our new reality is so painful that, although we can think about it rationally, on an emotional level it is very difficult to understand the change that our life has suddenly given. When we are in this phase our mind «deceives us» and makes us  hear his voice when we are at home, although we know it is impossible. This denial sometimes alternates with a feeling of rage or anger, in which we wonder why something so painful had to happen, or why life is so unfair. To accept the reality of the loss we must work the initial denial, that is, we must assimilate the loss at the cognitive level, understanding and accepting that the person is no longer there. For this it is good to remember the deceased person and talk about them, about their virtues, what bothered us about them, or how we met them. This helps us to be more aware of what has happened, and thus advance our grieving process.matthew-henry-136723-unsplash
  2. To process the pain of grief. Once we accept the reality of the loss, we come into contact with the underlying emotion, which is usually predominantly sadness. The denial that occurs in the first phase of grief serves to protect us from this sadness, that is, it is an attempt to avoid the suffering caused by the loss. However, if we stay hooked in the denial of pain, we keep making bigger our suffering by not coming into contact with what we really feel. This sadness can stay inside and accompany us for a long time if we can not get in touch with it and process it little by little. That is why we must work on the emotional impact that the loss causes us. We must identify and express the emotion we feel. The dissolution of this affection helps us to diminish gradually the pain that floods us. In addition, the emotional support of our relatives helps us enormously in this process, since it helps us to name our emotions and to verbalize them. Thus, we can externalize the feelings of guilt, loneliness, anguish, sadness that the loss of that beloved being has left us.
  3. To adjust to a world without the deceased. The emptiness left by a loved one is very great, and it makes the task of adapting to the change that it produces in our day to day difficult. The deceased carried out certain functions, developed certain roles, and gave meaning to some parts of our identity. This means that we must assume new responsibilities, develop new skills and even change our role at home or in our family. That is, we have to change in the environment implies adapting to a new routine and changing our roles and responsibilities. For example, we may suddenly be forced to keep the accounts at home, to have to cook for the family, or to take charge of the extracurricular activities of our children, when before we did not do it. Overcoming this change in the medium causes us to transform the perception of ourselves and our abilities.                                          senor-sosa-30861
  4. To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life. This is to relocate emotionally the deceased. To overcome the pain of loss and to continue with our life we ??look for a symbolic place where we emotionally relocate our loved one. It is about locating him in a place in our emotional history to be able to move forward in our life, and to feel that he is somehow part of who we are. The link with the deceased person continues, although in a different way. It is not about renouncing that person, but placing it in a suitable place on an emotional level that allows us to feel welfare and happiness again. A symbolic way of repositioning this person would be, for example, taking a picture of her with us. In this way we will be able to give a new perspective to the loss, and we will be able to feel a personal transformation in us.

    The phases of mourning are not linear, but sometimes we jump from another. Each person needs their time and beats grieving at their own pace, spending more time in one phase than in another, or sometimes returning to a stage they thought they had overcome. Overcoming the loss of a loved one is a process of hard and intense transformation. After this painful experience we are not the same again, but we are transformed and we become different people. It is important to remember that it is possible to overcome it, and to feel well again, even if there are times when it does not seem so.

References:

Worden, W. (1997) «The treatment of grief: psychological counseling and therapy». Barcelona. Paidós

English

Eating Social Behavior

Eating is a subject related to all the human population, and social behavior affects greatly the way in which people eat and behave in society. Eating behavior is social, while eating disorder is medical; therefore research in both fields is quite different. When researching for information about eating behavior the two most predominant themes are eating disorders and eating behavior per se. Other information found is related to topics associated to eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa, binge eating and body image. Most of the information written about eating belongs to journals, which are quite recent. Eating behavior is an up-to-date subject which has new information every year. Most of the research is related to adulthood, when eating disorders and eating habits are easier to measure because of the stability of the diet. Most of the studies focus on women, since they are more likely to develop eating disorders or to follow strict diets. The great amount of information related with eating disorders and the way in which most studies are carried out over women and adults shows the importance attributed to eating disorders, which contrasts with the modest interest shown on the eating behavior among healthy people and cross-culturally. Eating disorder is the exception not the rule, while eating behavior is a more familiar topic and it is related to a greater number of people. A research carried out on eating behavior could be applied to a greater number of people and it would be relevant to eating disorders too, since in order to know what a disorder is, it is necessary to compare it to the normal eating behavior.

dan-gold-105699.jpg

   Despite the fact that eating behavior is a less popular topic than eating disorders, there is a lot of information and research about it. Most of the research is quite recent, and it seems its popularity has increased slightly in the past two years. Generally there is more research done on females than in males. Females tend to give more importance to eating behavior and diet. However, when talking about eating social behavior male habits are as important as women ones. Men tend to give less importance to what they eat in relation to their weight (Papies, E.), but they give importance to the social norms when eating alone or in society. Most research has been done in adults, but adolescence and childhood eating behavior is important too in order to understand the social norms when eating (Leone,T.). Eating social behavior is based on norms that are learned in childhood and that shape the future eating behavior (Lessard et al).When eating socially people tend to follow the norms strictly, but always based on the culture and the norms learned by each person in childhood. The use of cutlery when eating or the importance of not chewing with the mouth full, are some of the social norms practiced.

   Social situations affect eating behavior greatly. This can also be due to other social aspects apart from guilt and giving a good impression to others, but also due to anxiety and social rejection. Stereotypes influence greatly the level on anxiety and of eating social behavior. For instance the ideal women stereotype is to be thin, and therefore to eat little amount of food. Tin an experiment carried out by Michael Inzlicht and Sonia K. Kang in 2010 the eating behavior of women. “We hypothesized that coping with stereotype threat “naturally” would leave women with fewer resources to control their intake of ice cream compared with women armed with a resource-saving coping strategy”( Inzlicht, K. Kang, 2010, 473). The stereotype can cause anxiety, and therefore induce a more food intake per meal and a higher guilt feeling. “The experience of stereotype threat resulted in highly stigma conscious women eating significantly more ice cream than did women who coped with threat by reappraising their thoughts and emotions. All participants took the same diagnostic test; the only difference was that some participants were left to their own devices to cope with the stress of stereotype confirmation and others were encouraged to cope through resource-saving reappraisal techniques. This suggests that it is coping with negative stereotypes, and not the stereotypes themselves, that can result in a lingering spillover effect, in this case, overeating” (Inzlicht, K. Kang, 2010, 473). It seems that negative stereotypes produce more anxiety, and anxiety therefore produces more food intake. Therefore eating in society usually tends to increase the amount of eating.

   It is really hard to predict the human eating behavior. There are, nonetheless, common patterns to all of us, for instance the amount of food intake and the guilt that comes along with excessive eating. There is a lot of anxiety when eating in society. Some reasons for this anxiety are a negative stereotype and the impression given to others. People therefore tend to eat more amount of food in society since the guilty feeling of eating excessively is relieved and there is an anxiety towards the view of others which makes more probable to eat more.

Works Cited:

Amiraian, Dana; Jeffrey Sobal. Dating and eating. Beliefs about dating foods among university students.

Leone, Tullia; Patricia Pliner, C. Peter Herman. Influence of clear versus ambiguous normative information on food intake. University of Toronto, Toronto: 2006

Michael Inzlicht and Sonia K. Kang. Stereotype Threat Spillover: How Coping With Threats to Social Identity. Affects Aggression, Eating, Decision Making, and Attention. University of Toronto Scarborough: 2010

Papies, Esther, Petra Hamstra. Goal priming and eating behavior: Enhancing self-regulation by environmental cues. Utrecht University: 2010